A question that was asked me for many times, and my response was we’re just okay but it wasn’t the way it used to be. But somehow, we’re still good. (Or perhaps we’re just both pretending that everything was still good between us).

And another one asked me, haven’t you open up to him what happened? I just answered it, how would I start? I don’t even know if he still care about it. I don’t even know what’s going on his mind. Worst is I don’t even know if I am really a friend for him or just an ordinary office mate for him or probably commoner to be open. Also, I said that if I’d open up the topic. What would be his reaction. He might say it wasn’t an issue for him or worst that I could probably heard from him was “are we friends?”. Then what, that would be shameful for me. Isn’t? Cause I’m treating him as one of my friends and yet for him I was just nothing.

Though, honestly how many times I attempt to say it to you but I always have a second thought and didn’t know how am I going to start it. Because I felt that I wasn’t in the place already. Unlike the old days were how can I just easily give you text with anything I want to share it with you, but after I’ve said those words to you even a simple text I can’t make it anymore. It become hard, I always thought should I or shouldn’t? But a while ago, I just broke it. I reciprocate what he did in our lunch, I swallow my pride and give him a text during our break time. Cause for me, we’re really still good. Good as friends. Or I’m just assuming.

And one more thing, those eyes were really different the one I saw last Saturday. It’s like there something on it that I can’t explain. I just want to ask you, “Are you ok?” (why does this simple question can be so hard to say it already for me.. 😦  

If there would come to a point that I can ask you one thing is, am I your friend or I am just an office mate for you? Answer it with truth on yourself, don’t think of me. Cause being honest will be greatly appreciated.