Archive for June, 2014

John Waller – The Marriage Prayer

Love God first

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A talk show lat…

A talk show late night and I was driven by the topic. Still up.

-chechelazaro

Stop reading na…

Stop reading na!!! Better get some sleep, you’ve sleep 3 in the morning for two consecutive days.. You don’t want to feel the that pain again.. Yes, I know that. I felt that last Friday in the sampling room, I’m out of breath and for a few seconds my heart stop beat.

Kudos! What a r…

Kudos! What a relief! I hope this time, it is yes already. Because the past its like I’m just telling to myself. But this time I guess, I got it already!

Two months been carrying that inside of mine, then this week, I gave up. The first time I’ve ever told my mom my problem cause ever since I never talked about any problem here at home. She just ask me two things. First was did I answered you back with the words you’ve said to me, I said no. The second question made me cry, you know what the question was, she asked me if I still greet you. I burst into tears cause I know that I’m not like that. She told me why not take the initiative first to do the action. For me, it was an easy job, I’m used to do those initiate things to any people. But I guess not now. Parati na lang kasi ako. Definitely, I can say that I can really move already.

Additional for the my heart’s point of view

Blog? I did it once for you also.. Remember the gift/present I did it before.. As far as I could remember I did share that in other social network.

Another 3am aga…

Another 3am again… Tsk (3x)

My Heart’s Point of View

What a day! Kick off (meaning let’s start it off)..

Here it goes..

First, Yes. I did that on purpose. (Period. No explanations)

Second, remember the weighing scale. Here’s my point of view, I know that you’re just concerned very much concerned. But do you really have to go that far? Don’t you have your own boundaries? Yes, we’re friends but still we have our limitations/boundaries that was set as a silent rule. But it happened already. I just wish/hope that you just put that in the bigger picture what is the effect remaining good friend to that person. Have you ever asked me how did I make it or how do I feel. Not easy. Because if I were really affected first thing first I will do was exclude myself to the group. Because the time you’re telling me those things, you know what I feel, it’s like you’re telling me that I don’t have the right to remain as friend with that person. (its how I interpret it-sorry). For me, seize the moment while you have it. I’m going to ask you this time the question you’ve said to me. ‘Sino mas matimbang sa inyo?’ I guess you know the answer by this time. ‘Ganun ka ka-importante, para ma-apektuhan ako ng ganito. Sobra nasira un composure ko.’ (hindi yan sumbat ah, don’t get me wrong) I don’t need to rank you guys one by one. Each one of you does different thing to me. “You don’t need other people to validate you, you’re already valuable.” “No size, depth, volume, amount to measure the worth of a person.” If you really want to measure it, then tell me how. What tool should I used? A weighing scale, ruler, tape measure or what. If you’re going to ask me about the worth, worth it is not a thing to be asked for, one should have to work on it. How we became friends? I’ve worked on it just to get you. If not to get you maybe just to be put in the right place of worthy friend (which for me was enough). Same goes with the others that I have to work on it. Sorry pero package kayong lahat, hindi pwde mamili. Kaya pinagsisilbihan ko kayo as long as available ako. “Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity.” (I want to share you “Investing In Others” an article which I didn’t write it) but was a real thing, at first you have to take a risk even though you didn’t know what will be the outcome. 

Remember the times that I’m waiting you every uwian after the issue. I’m trying to suyo, but its not working. The chocolates, it’s also a suyo, but failed. I get tired, it is because you’re not sensing anything. And also keep on asking you if How are you? It was a small effort I could do to address you but it didn’t work out. Lastly, those little notes you’re lucky enough because you’ve received it physically with my awful penmanship. It’s a priceless thing, you could consider that. Blog? Nothing compares to it. “Effort is the best indicator of interest.” “Comparison is the thief of joy.” “Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.”

Sorry if I didn’t greet you a Mother’s Day, because I’m the first one whom usually will be the first one to greet you. But it much better not to greet you rather than greeting you that was not in my heart. Sorry if my actions hurting you this past few weeks, but do you think I’m not hurting myself? Sobrang sakit sa akin double or triple pa un nararamdaman ko compare sa nararamdaman mo. You know, one thing recall me a long time ago (during the issue), I thought our biggest issue would be the time we’re arguing about the trolly/service/other merchandiser (if you do still remember about it) but it wasn’t nag-back fire sa atin na tayong dalawa need umabot sa ganito. If you just knew how I hate myself for treating you this way. Sobra sobra ako galit sa sarili ko. To be honest, this attitude of mine it only exists very seldom. It will only exists to the extend you’ve cross the border line. Before you compare it with the other group what I’ve done before, I just gave them silent treatment. But yours was different. For them it was easy, because my relationship with them was not that deep, not that long enough. But for us, it was hard. And hindi ako sanay na mataray ako, maldita, masungit name it, I’m not used to it. I though when I did that to them I don’t have to repeat it with you but it happened.

And the second word, you’ve said it already a while ago. I don’t have to explain it further, cause I don’t see the point of explaining it anymore. Bsta un pakiramdam na un, tinapakan mo ako at hindi lang un dinurog mo pa ako. Un sinabihan mo ako malamig ako, oo alam ko sa sarili ko kung gano ako ka-cold bigla.

Hindi ikaw un issue dito remember, pero bakit naging tayo un issue bigla. The time na sinabi ko sayo un, gusto ko lang huminga, I didn’t expect na ganun un dating sayo. I just need a breather. But oh well..

“Never judge, learn to respect and acknowledge the feelings of people.”

“Often when people share something personal with you, they are not looking for advice. Always listen to someone earnestly, listen long enough to understand them, and then listen more. You might heard it in different way.”

 

Remember this: People do come and go, you gain and you lose, its either you take them or leave them.. but for now, I’ll choose to walk away for the meantime. To heal myself first (but honestly I don’t know where should I start). Yea, I miss you guys but it doesn’t mean that I have to go back. If time permits then yea you know it. But THANK YOU! 

“Every friendship starts with being strangers.”

You always say you know me. It just pop up in my mind that have you ever ask how I heal with my ex. Cause I’ve change a lot just to recover.

I guess this is enough already. But if you want to clarify things, please please please.. not now, let me heal first. It’s not big deal anymore for me. I’ve encounter this passage, if that person does not matter to you, then no matter what one does/say shouldn’t matter to you.

 

*I’m not imposing anything here, everything here was my point of view. I’m not telling you that I’m right or anything ok? I hope this one won’t make the issue bigger ok? I don’t want this letter to be misunderstood by, though I know that this can be source of evidence or what. I don’t care, all I care was to address you properly everything what keeps inside of me just for you to understand. And I know magiging usap usapan nyo tong apat and I don’t care.

I just hope na wala ako mali nasabi dito, kasi ayaw na kitang saktan.

Every ending there’s a new beginning. There’s my hope but seeing you guys ok, I guess that’s it.

Why I did it in writing? no emotions, no facial expression, detailed (as much as possible), no tone of voices. no interruptions. bland.