Archive for October, 2014

a reason

Give yourself a reason to laugh, and not worry; a reason to love and not hate; a reason to live and not give up.

closing the other room

is equivalent to less privacy/private talk.. there’s good and bad, it always comes together.

morning dance beat

dancing to the beat of skippin by mario.. :))

The Unexpected Gift of Forgiveness

Whew! Honestly, it was a sudden. It’s like in a fast forward motion. I just made that decision to fully forgive her and yet the exchange of doing that was this. I don’t know what was your purpose God. But I know you were behind of these things that happened, we may not know the reason but one thing for sure it will be good for every one especially to her. Because it’s one of her prayers, and You’ve answered it right one time without notice. Seeing her happy I know that I did a good thing for her, for giving that gift as a advance gift to her and at the same time at least we will be parted our ways in a good way.

Though it’s painful to have this kind of ending, but I’m glad You made us meet.

Though forgiveness is painful and costly, one thing is, it is worth it.

I really really want to write, but I know whatever I write it here it won’t be enough to describe what I have here inside of me. I just want to say Thank You for coming and become part of the few chapters of my life. If time permit us and in God’s time/permit, until our next meeting!

15, what’s with the number…

15?
July 15 of last year..
April 16 of this year – where its started everything.
July 15 of this year – we settled it though I know it’s not that fully
Oct 15 of this year – I gave total forgiveness already and told it personally.

Though I said to that person just take it as an advance Christmas gift but at the back of my mind I know that its just settling maybe to have a good parting ways. I gave her forgiveness and peace of mind. I hope by this time she knew how much I value her that I still choose to fix her, even though I want to fix also the other person I just can’t do it. Because every time I just starting to think about it my mind wanders that you might get jealous again.

Having the conversation a while ago, asking me “aren’t you tired? felt pity for yourself?” I’m tired. I’m tired being strong, but if I’m not going to be strong for myself then who will be strong enough for me. Telling me, I should not encounter these things. Yes I shouldn’t, but it happened and it happened because of … And asking me, why not just go back with you guys. To be honest, I really wanted to but I’m afraid the gossip I’m going to hear from other people (though it’s not that big deal maybe just to help them stop gossip also). But I am more afraid of the issue that you might get jealous again once I’m back. Cause I know that is the thing that will never gone from you.

Funny thing because last week when I accompanied you for two nights on our way home. You’re telling me those plan of yours. I just told you that maybe there are better opportunities or maybe the time is not yet right or if it’s for you, it will be given to you. But there is one thing I didn’t tell you, maybe you need to fix something first so right things will set its time. As you told me the good news this afternoon, I know that’s the thing I did – fix. I don’t know if its just coincidence or there is someone behind these things. Because these scenario is common for me. I will just fix something, and there goes the good news.

I should have titled it as a “Advance Christmas Gift or Good Parting Ways” but I’d rather choose “15”

I just remembered when you told me how much you appreciated me, but what happened? And it’s painful/sad that we have to encounter these things. Its the only thing that I can give it to her.

communication

Communication is the process to a successful relationship. Just as photosynthesis is to plants and sun, communication is the process of continual and interdependent exchange of words, ideas and actions between two people that build the relationship.

People are like trees and the sun; the more they communicate, the closer they lean toward each other. And there is nothing more comforting than to know that you can freely share, be heard and listened to by the person who loves you the most.

Greetings to?

welcome home… Is it for that person?
or for me?
Just thought of it, because tonight I realized it’s been a month that I’m away here and writing to my other blog. Is it come back? I don’t know…
 

safe way home back

I just want to ask You graciously God for their safety flight.

Sometimes the best way to stay close to someone you love is by being just a friend.
It’s not possible to just stop loving someone. It’s either always there or it never was in the first place. And no matter what, it was already part of a history which can’t be erase.
Sometimes it’s better to just quietly and privately miss someone than to let them know and still be ignored.

It’s a thing I thought it was gone, but the mere fact that I show concerns I know it is still there and it is real. It just happen I’m in still and just steady already. For me its normal already, and if one day comes its only either of the two there is or gone already.

Unveiling the prayers

Good thing, it wasn’t me. After that talked, one thing I realized how much I missed each one of them but I knew I can’t have them for now. And I’m already happy with who am I, what am I as of now. And I already found the answer of forgiveness and I know from this moment I gave it to them fully. Because there was once, I asked someone how could you tell if you forgiven the person fully? The answered was you can wish them well already. And I arrived to that point again to pray for them and wish them well always. Though I’m not the one she was asking for, I’m glad to hear that she was okay. Just put it this way, maybe, just maybe there are better opportunities will arrive or it’s not yet the right time (just be patience) or perhaps you have to fix something first so the right thing will arrive.

And I felt relieve on my shoulders. I feel light again. 6 months, good thing it was 6 months.

Just flashback:
I’d vent out to that person what happened, after the whole conversation with him all he said was “was that a big deal”. It wasn’t big deal, I’m just stating to him where did he hurt me and yet I guess he heard it differently. All I wanted to hear from him was a simple “sorry”. But past is past, but it is too late? To have them back again, I don’t know… Same goes with the girl… I’m not mad, maybe I just want to know their sensitivity level. But I guess, you don’t know a person even if you’re with them for a long period of time. Thinking of it, it’s better to be like this. At least I’m free, though its sad but what will you do if the person you expect to take good care of you are the one who will hurt you in the end.

Why there are certain people they don’t know they already hurting us.

The sad thing was they just listen but don’t understand it.

There are times, I’m wondering of all the good memories we had. Why all of a sudden this thing happened to us. Is it a test? No one knows.. But as always, Thank you! Thank you for everything I don’t need to state it what you guys done to me. Just simply arriving to my life is simply a blessing, gift or present – to be treasured and cherished. Last thing, one thing for sure my loyalty stays with them.

I just wanted to end this year a good one, as a token or gift of appreciation which is companion – the thing I can only offer.

And one last thing, take good care of them each one of them and guide them always.

I cried again, I hope this will be the last one. To be honest, it was hard to be strong and tough everyday when deep down inside of me was broke. But I knew I can get through with it. And that was because of You, God. And I became free, and I’m letting go of the past and letting go of them not because I’m giving up on them but because I trust You. You made things work together for our good.

Thank you, because You hand me the prayers I’d prayed before. But if I asked You, to kindly take it away from me? Would You allow it to happen?

it’s Christmas time again…

This is the first time for the 2 years I’ve stayed, during this month that someone must take flight to do the job. Though I want to send a message for that person to have a safe trip/flight, I chose not to but I’ve done it already last Friday but then there’s a difference, isn’t? I just send my message to the person whom can really take good care of you.

Lord, take good care of that person and the person who will accompany with, to have a good rest each night, keep them safe always and have a safe flight home back…

And one more thing, know what.. Last Friday, someone talked to me and asked me to pray for her and I was shocked. I asked her for what the prayer was. Was there any specific should I prayed for her. She answered not and asked me in return that was there should be specific? I just answered her, “okay”. But at the back of my mind I wanted to say “Yes, you should be specific.” Also, she mentioned that she was asking for a sign. I said, then there should be just a given time because it might be the absent of the sign is a sign already given. She told me until Tuesday. I was shocked and felt different in a little ways. It seems like its about me (though I’m not sure, I can find it on Tuesday). How did I say that it’s about me, because its been 6 months pass and I didn’t go back with them already. Though I’ve attended with every invitation they make, I know for myself that there is the wall I’ve built since that day. Although after 2 months of all the misunderstanding / mis-communication (whatever you said it) we’ve repaired it, but its different. Two months its too long already to create a gap, one week is enough to create a gap after a misunderstanding / mis-communication. Because as far as I could remember that day, I was stating to you that I mad about what the person did to me and yet all I heard from that person was “that I still have feelings for that person” and she keeps on insisting with it.  And she make a comparison herself with that person, I just told her why do I have to choose between the two of them. Isn’t enough that you’re both my friends? Then she said I’m the one who drag her in the issue, I said no, you’re the one who put yourself in that position because I’m just releasing my emotions to you and yet you create another story. I know you’re concerned but I’ve read of your jealousy more.

Though to be honest, I want to get back with you guys. But I’m afraid. I just thinking that the season has change already. Though I’m with the other group, you think I’m welcome. I can feel it that they’re hiding something behind my back. And for me its good, because I know for myself that I can’t be with them because of their character but I have no choice but to be with them during lunch time and break time.

Until now, I know I didn’t forgive her fully because it’s really hard. The pain still there. Because at the back of my mind, how am I going to start again with what we had before. How am I going to act as if its nothing happen when the damage has been made already. And because of what happened its traumatic for me that I don’t want to get close with people again.

A humble heart asking for an answers, enlighten her mind and heart, show her the right path where you wanted to bring her, give her always a peace of mind.

Lord, I know all things work together for our good. That you will set in everything in your good hands. You are the God who performs miracles.

Is this the come back? No, I don’t think so….. I just don’t want to mess the other blog of mine..

*You may have apologized to the person you wronged, but have you really attempted to put yourself in that person’s shoes? Have you imagined how the same treatment might have made you react?