Archive for November, 2014

how is he?

He’s absent for two consecutive days. I wonder if he’s okay, but seeing him lately since the day that was announced the she will left. Everything about him seems to change. It’s like he doesn’t want to go to the office anymore. If that the case, why not leave or probably he’ll do it during the first quarter of next year.

I want to express it everything I have here, but honestly I’m “bangag” already. Its 2:30 in the morning and I still have work this morning. Not only that, but I need to pack-up my things for my flight on Sunday morning. I want to ask him if he wants to let me buy something but …..

I’m going to write once I’m back from my trip.

Have a good day!

Happy selling for us! God Bless our sale! Promise I need a miracle…

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smiley stranger

I miss that person so much, the one I gave a code from smile to stranger. Come to think of it, both were positive. Know why? Smile is an action in which almost anyone do it on their first meeting while stranger is a word that anyone used to say in the first meeting. Both were used in the first meeting. Not another story, nyz.! Smile and stranger we’re a year ago already. But you’ve just thought tonight as you write this, funny, I hate your mind nyz. But to be honest, its a funny wit. Probably, I just miss that person badly. Why do the effort if that person didn’t value you.

Oh well, tonight as I watched the tv show in particular interviewing a showbiz artist. A couple was interviewed, and funny that they started to have their blog sharing their lives to the public which is relationshipmatters.ph, is their site. Meanwhile, as the conversations goes, the 5 love languages was become one of the topic – a book written by Gary Chapman. At the back of my mind, I have a copy of that book and I’m done reading it. Also, I’ve already write some notes about that book in which I don’t know if it was still posted here or it was with my other account (midnightlovenotes.wordpress.com).

Funny to think about it that people were writing. For me also, I don’t even know that I will start doing this thing. Its seems hard at first because you have to share something about yourselves of course. It’s like you’re letting your private be known for the people whom you didn’t know. You inspired them, share your experiences, name it like happiness, sadness anything you wanted to talked about it. Let it put it in this way, a diary. That you, yourself, can go back anytime you wanted to be.

Funny or weird?

I don’t know which day of this week when I get to held his eyes that long. I was ashamed but it do feels good.

Can I wrote those things?

Those things that are painful and ask your good hands to help me to let it go everything of it, those memories that keeps me painful..

insisting what she knew – not respecting my opinion.. (RESPECT)
making me feel that I don’t have the right to make friends..
that she said, she forgot that I was chinese.. (being racist)
she also said that, “pinag-pustahan nila akong dalawa..” (that’s absurd!, am I a game for you guys to have bet for?)
the option – I’ve posted it before from my other social network site. If that person knew who am I pertaining to probably, that person won’t answer that.

You know, I’ve made mistakes with you guys. First, for the guy, if just being honest then the rumor won’t come out. But I honestly repent since that day, I honestly said it to you that I’ve made mistake. If I have other mistakes I don’t know what are those, but this one I know its a major mistake I made to you.
For the girl, I didn’t know where/when/what mistake I’ve made. If ever I have, I know it is your emotion. You’re jealous how I treat him, but like I said both of you were my friends. It’s not that I don’t value you. If you just knew that there are times I felt I was just an option. But that jealousy of yours I can’t control it, because if you’re not contented with how I treat you it’s not my problem. And if you keep on comparing yourself with other it’s a thing I cannot do anything about it. If you think like its a competition its not. Its a service that one is willing to do for their friends called it helping hand or offer. As long as it comes from the heart and you see that your friend was happy about it, its all worth it. Remember, I can only control myself if I can control your mind and emotion then that would be a lot easier for me. I can undo those damages.

In the end, I still choose you to be happy because I want to see that face for the last time. Even there is so much pain inside of me that I have to lose the two of you. Though I want to win back the two of you, I distance myself to see, and you know what I see, that I don’t mean anything from you guys. Because you didn’t do any effort. That’s the only thing I want to see from you, especially to her. Until the end, I felt your selfishness. Mistakes are made by two, same goes with reconciliation it should be two. If you really want something, you have to go the extra – the extra miles. I’m not asking you to do the extra miles, you can start it by little, let the person feel it.

Because I’m one of the few people in our barkada that will really do the extra miles, that’s why there are few of them will asked me ‘why aren’t you tired?’ I would just said that ‘I’m not yet done not until I would really feel that every effort I made it’s not worth it because I don’t what that day comes that I would regret that i didn’t do those things I can especially if you knew that person that much (you can do a lot of it). At least if I gave up, I wouldn’t regret anything because I do my part as a friend.’

I want to ask You, to remove all of these bad memories from my heart and mind that keeps on winding every idle moment of time. I’d pray to you that to heal each one of us of your healing hands. I know it will take time to bring back the old me or probably not or if may it may not be the complete old me.

The word – Step Down

Today, I had a conversation with one of my good friend since we’re in school. As the conversation goes on and on, a word step down comes out from her mouth. And then I realized yes, I also did that since April. I step down from that friendship just so the two of them remain as good as it was before I entered to their lives. Cause I don’t want to be the cause of a broken friendship they have. I’m willing and I did it so that they win. Although someone might say why I lose it or give up on it, for me its not about losing or giving up because seeing them that they remain that way I’m happy and contented. I know I did my part being a friend. I just hope that they knew how I value them, both of them. Even if it is painful, I have to lose it. But doing that, I realized one thing that how much I value you guys but I didn’t find my value from you that’s why I withdraw from you.

The difference between me and my good friend was I’m willing to do something to make it for the last time but she, she will not do anything. How I wish I have those kind of concept but for me, I just don’t want to regret things when it’s too late.

Maybe some of you guys would say that I was stuck-up from the past, you may say so. But more likely I learned a lot. At the same time, the me right now it’s not new it is always there but it only shows very seldom, it only comes out when I’m in very painful situation that I want to hide but its not possible. It’s my way to protect myself because the people you’ve thought will take good care of you were the one can/will harm you.

how will you start it over?

A question I asked my friend this afternoon, I asked her how will you make friends again? Telling her, that after what had happened to me, I totally shut down myself to anyone. Seems I’m talking to each one of them but it was just shallow, I’d never tried to have deeper conversation with people again. And then I told her that, I have this newly supplier that is ‘makulit’ really and badly. That I always said to that person, ‘why are you making friends with me? All I have was a business transaction with you.’ But at the back of my mind, there is this one phrase that I’m holding, ‘what is your intention behind those stuff?’ Because after what happened, I don’t want to make friends that easily. My friend said, just don’t be rude if you don’t want to be close just don’t open up too much. Because they also have feelings and they are human too.

I don’t know if that person had other meaning of saying with his words, ‘you might look for it again.’ I don’t know if I should appreciated it, that he knew it. Or he is just being sarcastic. For me was you don’t know how would I feel if I lost something, if you just knew it Probably you’ll understand me. It can destroy my mood for the day, my mind will be lost for keep on thinking where it has gone. I know, that we can buy another one but the essence of that is not the same anymore. Well, good thing that he knew it. hehe 🙂

There are times I wonder, if that person still care for me as friend. But for now, I’m contented that I being casual to everyone. And if he/they wanted to make friends, I guess they have to do their part.

It’s like each of us has their own valuable things that for some it might not have worth for them. It may costly high or cheap but it is not the cost that counts. Its how we take good care of those valuable things we have whether big/small, pricey/cheap and others and yet when we let other people to borrow/lend it they will just neglect it because for them it’s nothing.

I just remembered when I was a child, one of my cousin borrowed the book I just bought it. I lend it her and when she returned it to me. The book was damaged. I almost freak out to her, but I didn’t do. But since that day, I never lend her any books that I have.

he look good, last Friday night.. with that outfit and he cleaned up for their dinner..