Archive for November, 2014

3rd Thursday: Love speak the truth

Love… rejoices with the truth. – 1 Corinthians 13:6

Most people misunderstand the phrase “keeping the peace,” and think it means avoiding confrontation at all costs. But repressing the truth rather than dealing with the truth causes trouble.

Someone who holes back the truth causes trouble,
but the one who openly (confronts) works for peace. – Proverbs 10:10

Love them enough to tell the truth.

How to speak the Truth in Love
1. Check your motives.
What is the right motive? To help, not to hurt.

To go from shallow to intimate relationships, you need to go through the “tunnel of truth” where you deal with issues you don’t want to deal with.

2. Plan your presentation.
Intelligent people think before they speak, what they say is then more persuasive. – Proverbs 16:23

3. Give them affirmation.
A word of encouragement does wonders! – Proverbs 12:25
Affirm that:
> You deeply love and care for the person.
> You will pray for them and help them.
> You believe they can change.
> The relationship can be better and that you can be even closer as a result of this confrontation.

4. Risk their rejection.

I know I distressed you greatly with my letter. Although I felt awful at the time, I don’t feel at all bad now that I see how it turned out. The letter upset you, but only for a while. You were jarred into turning things around. You let the distress bring you to God and that is what I was hoping for in the first place when I wrote the letter. – 2 Corinthians 7:8-9,12

4th Thursday: Love is Forgiving

Forgiveness quiz:(True or false)
_ A person should not be forgiven until they ask for it.
_ Forgiveness includes minimizing the offense and the pain that was caused.
_ Forgiveness includes restoring trust and reuniting a relationship.
_ You haven’t really forgiven others until you have forgotten the offense.

1. Forgiveness is not minimizing the seriousness of the offense
Being wounded and being wronged are two different things.
> Being wounded is accidental. – accidentally hurt you.
> Being wronged is intentional. – intentionally hurt you, that’w what required forgiveness.

2. Forgiveness is not resuming a relationship without changes.
> Forgiveness is instant, but trust must be built over a long period of time.
> Forgiveness takes care of the damage done by “letting the person off the hook,” but does not guarantee the relationship will be restored.

To restore a relationship, the offender must:
> Demonstrate genuine repentance.
> Make restitution wherever possible.
> Prove they have changed over time.

*If a person repeatedly wrongs you, you are obligated by God to forgive that person. But you are not obligated to trust that person, to let them continue to hurt you, or to instantly restore the relationship.

Forgiveness is by grace, trust is by work.

Three steps of Forgiveness
1. I relinquish my right to get even. (don’t seek revenge)
Never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God, for He has said that He will repay those who deserve it. (Romans 12:19)
Three reasons to forgive others:
> God has forgiven you.
>
Bitterness makes you miserable.
> You are going to need more forgiveness in the future.

2. I respond to evil with good.

3. I repeat the process as long as necessary.
Don’t try to forgive on your own power. Recognize and accept God’s forgiveness of you. Then ask for his strength and power to go through you to forgive others.

The answers for the quiz above mention were all FALSE.

a girl named

I barely knew this girl, I just spent few months or perhaps I would considered it few days with this girl and yet she had to go her way. One thing she said to me before she left was if I can do anything to make the office become one, kindly do it. I’d tried, I make some moves in any possible way I can. Reaching out as long as I can. But in the end, I can’t. Know why? It is because both parties doesn’t care anymore. No one wants to reach out, or probably one of them tried to reached out to other but it lacks something that it get easily tired. There is a saying that if you really want it, you won’t easily give up on it. But I guess both parties doesn’t want to make it up with one another. And after this long, I realized one thing no one’s really want to reach out. Cause I’ve encountered it. I remembered everything, it still on my mind. I had forgiven each one of them but it is not that easy to be forget. The girl, I honestly knew what’s the reason behind of her silence or where she’s getting those. I approached her, and asked what’s the problem. She just said, nothing. I asked her three times. All I want to heard from her that moment was “I was offended.” At least I knew where did I hurt her. So that I can asked for an apology not simply to asked for forgiveness but to clear things. The second was this girl who’ve became so close to me in just a year and yet it was her that I felt so bad. Its like my world were crashed after all. Because for me, why don’t someone be just happy because you saw your friend happy. But in the end, I chose her happiness over me that I’ve made a decision to leave that group. Even though it’s painful, I know I’ll be okay.

I’m happy I’d organized the party for her, like I said, there’s no gift that I would gave to you. Cause I want to give you something that no one can bought it. And the party itself was a gift that I wanted to give it to you and the forgiveness itself. The party was not just for you, but for everyone who wants to keep those memories that we’ve crossed our path. Forgiveness is a gift that was given to us from above. Cause He knows, and He was there all along with us. Maybe I was really in pain already and He just wait the right time for everything to happened. But you know what, ever since that thing happened, EVERYDAY I HAVE TO MADE A CHOICE TO DECIDE TO FORGIVE YOU. Its a decision I chose not for your sake but for my sake also. For now, that’s over, I know that I can recover already little by little.

Monday night, you’ve invited me for a dinner. To be honest I don’t like to go but just out of respect, courtesy and don’t want to hurt you for the last time, I have to because I know that I have to close something. You’ve asked me, how did I make it that party. I didn’t gave you the answer, but to be honest I go to their level just to tell it, ask for it and think of it like I’m asking for a favor. But before that, I’d heard from them. And as they telling me those things, I realize one thing, both parties doesn’t want to make a move to reach out. But not for me, cause I did it.  But I gave up because I didn’t saw anything from you that we have to resolved a problem. I didn’t want to give up I did what I can do to regain what was lost but you’ve just let it slipped away, it seems nothing happened. That’s why I gave up on you.

I’ve realized a thing, nowadays, people will just let the problems slip away instead of keeping the conversation so that both parties knows where is he/she coming from. It’s not that we want to be right, but more likely to understand where’s the hurt coming from. A saying goes like this, do not keep unresolved issues under the rug, unresolved issues doesn’t mean you’re not going to face them soon or it is gone because one day “KABOOM!” and it will damage a lot.

And that girl named was Marge. Sorry cause I didn’t make it. But you know what, I’m happy cause I did that not just for everyone but also for me, it’s the only thing I can have it – the photo. And to remind me that I’ve spent these two wonderful/unique group of people in the office. So that if it’s my turn, I don’t have to make it anymore. Because to my previous job, I made my despedida to show them how grateful am I that I’ve met them.

I miss the old Nyz, but sooner or later I know I can have her again, the used to be Nyz to everyone.

there’s a hidden message in the letter

Title: When Sorry Isn’t Enough by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas (currently reading this book)

I just want to quote something from the book though I’m not yet done reading the book… But here it is that found me, “Repair what has gone wrong” Restitution as “the act of giving back to a rightful owner” or “a giving of something as an equivalent for what has been lost, damaged, etc.” In his book Since Nobody’s Perfect… How Good Is Good Enough? Andy Stanley writes, “A willingness to do something to try to make up for the pain that have caused someone is evidence of a true apology. There’s a voice inside of each person that says, “I ought to do something to make amends for what I have done.”

For some people, restitution is their primary apology language. For them the statement, “It is not right for me to have treated you that way,” must be followed with “What can I do to show you that I still care about you?” Without this effort at restitution, this person will question the sincerity of the apology. They will continue to feel unloved even though you may have said, “I’m sorry – I was wrong.” They wait for the tangible reassurance that you genuinely love them.

theres a hidden message in the letter

A letter I wrote for that person who’ve became part of my life. And yes, I did a lot. Spend a lot. I’m OD (over dropped) for this month, but it’s fine with me. All I want is to let her feel for the last time. To see her happy before everything ends. Cause when you do something out of love, you don’t count the cost. Cause in return, it is priceless, isn’t? And if anyone knew how I did that, it took a lot of courage to take that first step to talk to them each one of them for their cooperation. Though I heard their opinions that breaks me, but still I risk, cause I don’t want to regret anything. That I didn’t do anything to let her feel how much I value her as a person.

But tonight, as I came across those lines from the book, I realized one thing that seven months had passed and I still felt sad for her in one good reason. Because she didn’t do anything to restore the relationship that has gone, meaning the three of us. Even I almost said where’s the problem, I guess you’ve just heard yourself not considering the other person. Cause it is really tiring if you’re the only one who will do everything to make things work out and the other person won’t take part of the situation to resolve/restore it. I didn’t regret anything for what I did last time, because it will be the last time already. I’m going to close the book between the two of us already unless you’ll do anything for the remaining five days. Even you’ve said that you’re sorry, the question was what you do after that truly counts. Because saying sorry is easy to anyone, but sometimes isn’t enough due to lack of supporting actions.

To be honest, I wanted to insert in that letter these phrase.. “… that for the last time, I want to be honest with you, that there is something I want you to know what I’ve done but I refuse to write it due to I don’t want to give her pain. I want to say that, I’ve told to that person what happened to between the two of us. Though it is not detailed. If you’re going to ask me, why I did that. Because he was part of it and I don’t want him to wonder why I became so cold. And sad part was, you didn’t do anything, you just let it slipped away like that. Without reaching out your hands, taking risk, so that in the end you knew that you did your part without regretting for what you haven’t done. Because I was waiting for you to tell to that guy. To be honest with him. If you’re asking me what’s your value, I hope that you felt it in the end how much I value you. But for now, I know, what is my worth to you. And it is sad. Because it seems like I’m the one who value you more. But no regrets cause i did everything until to the last point. You’ve told me once, that we’re friends the three of us but it seems like you’ve just care about yourself at all. You want everything to be yours. And that’s the time I felt that there are still some people who are selfish. If I became honest to that person it is because I just felt good about confessing aloud and being forgiven. And I’m honest to that person as far as I can remember though he lied many times to me. I still choose to be honest with him.

The hidden message was I just want to say goodbye in a nice way, to give that good parting ways to both of us. Because I want to close the book already. I just did it, so that no turning back anymore. And if you really want me to be your friend again, it will be in your work already, it’s between you and HIM. If you know what I mean, you have to pray and work for it. Cause it will be hard. Cause after 7 months, I’m still sad honestly speaking because of your selfishness and self-centered.

If I remain this way, it is because of “pakisama” for each one of you, that’s what the only thing that remain already. To be honest, this is the part of my life that I felt how hard to relate with other people.

I’ll leave it everything to Him, if its His will that we will be friends, it will bound to happen but if not, at least we end it right.

expect the unexpected

I want to write what happened a while ago, but I don’t have any energy for the meantime to write everything due to lack of sleep last night and I still have an event tomorrow 4 in the morning. And the time is 11:05 in the evening meaning I got only few hours to sleep.. Oh well, I’ll try my best to make to it on Sunday and upload those pictures.

fulfilling and worth it! 🙂

It is easier to love than to be loved. Accept love: it will not wait at your doorstep forever.

LSS: Thinking Out Loud

And, darling, I will be loving you ’til we’re 70
And, baby, my heart could still fall as hard at 23
And I’m thinking ’bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways……