Archive for January, 2015

welcome back!!!

Yes, I got home last Friday night. It was tiring, indeed. From a 3 hours flight and yet the traffic I’ve encounter just to got home. It was terribly bad, but it’s the trademark of this country I guess. Without traffic I guess, everyone will be surprise.

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I cried hard again good thing the person i’m with right now asleep peacefully. I cried not because I miss my family but I know where is this coming from. Though I want to write it but I’m not comfortable using my itouch to get this blog of mine done.

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Why does it seems like the day are taking so slow and long here.. I wanna go home..  (humming to the song of Home by Michael Buble)

Do not be afraid to get close

In a contagious world, we learn to keep our distance. If we get too close to those who are suffering, we might get infected by their pain. It may not be convenient or comfortable. But only when you get close enough to catch their hurt, will they be close enough to catch your love.

I’m still wondering

Wondering if you really heard my prayers when I asked you in prayers that to have conversation with that person. I just want you God to know that yes, bumabalik un comfort ko dun sa tao at andun un takot ko. Yes, I do appreciate it if you would called that effort. But I’m not thinking of it as an effort. I’m just thinking of it as he just want to heard a news. It is much better and easier rather than expecting and assuming, at least I can answered him easily. I just want to address him that I appreciate him as who he is as a person. Kahit na gustong gusto ko mabalik kung gaano kami kakulit dati sa office dati. Bakit ko pinili manatili sa tabi nila kahit masakit? Sa isang dahilan, bakit hindi na lang ipagpatuloy kung anu un nasimulan diba. Nagsimula naman kami as good e, so I remain good friends with him. Masakit pero hindi naman dapat masira dahil lang dun diba? And it was a choice I made to remain beside you guys just to continue what we have started.

Gusto ko na umalis, I just don’t know what keeps me holding back. Maybe it’s my contract? Or I just waiting for the company. Or I just want to end this year with the company.

I just want to say Thank you. I remember this, when I texted him a long long ago when we’re just starting out as a good friends. He asked for what? Now, it’s clearly for what is the Thank you was all about.

just 4 nights

Will be gone for 4 nights. Will be back on Friday night, but dunno if I could write because if I’m not that tired probably I’m going to have my laundry so that on Saturday morning so that on Saturday I won’t be up early. Have a safe trip.

It’s been a while

Yes, it’s been a while. Before, we can had our conversation anytime we want. But after that thing, it was drastically change everything. Because this week he made his way before either of us can initiate a conversation. But it was nothing for me, I just think of it that he just wanted to hear something or to talk to someone. But this is it, I will always remember the deal I made up with you God, the “good term” you had my word, got it. And yes I even asked him if he’s okay? He didn’t even answered that question, that’s fine. At least, marunong ako mangamusta. I just remembered what he said to me before, that I don’t even know how to kamusta people.

I know for myself that I’m almost whole again. I just don’t want to let people come into my circle again or probably let us put it this way, I’m just taking good care of myself from the people who want to get in my life. Though there are times the wall that I’d built around myself starting to fall off. I wanted too, but I’m scared already.

I had only this opinion for myself from what happened before, wala pa nga nangyayari pinangungunahan niyo na mga bagay bagay. Why don’t you just be happy for your friend. Sa lagay kasi hindi niyo naramdaman un naramdaman ko un mga panahon na un e. After you’ve said that feelings of yours to that someone, after that awkwardness. I still have to remain in that barkada, because if I’m not going to think that. After that confession, I already should leave the barkada. Ang hirap na andun ka sa point na need mo manatili ganun para maayos pa rin ang lahat. Dahil kung iisipin ko sarili ko, mas mabuti pa umalis. I’m not mad to anyone, but I just realize who am I and who are you. Ang hirap kaya nun pakiramdam na un. Un kailangan mo manatili kahit masakit para lang walang masabi un mga tao.

Honestly, there are times mas gusto ko na lang paniwalaan na may anak siya not because of what I’d heard from the people but because he’s the one who implant it on my mind. Nasira kasi un tiwala e. But there’s a cure for that trust, be honest again but it’s hard because there will be those little doubts already. No one is perfect. Un ako, nasaktan ko siya, nagkasala ako sa kanya, I just confessed to him every bad things I did, my point was nasa kanya kung magtitiwala siya ulit. Pero bakit ako hindi ko un magawa sa kanya, maybe because ilan beses ko na siya nahuli nagsinungaling.

I leave everything to your good hands God. I know that I should have trust you this time. That it is your will. I will surrender and submit to you this one God. Bsta God, good terms lang pinangako ko sayo God. Good terms as long as anjan un company namin. If one day our company close, it’s up to you if I should retain that good term or it’s the end of the road for us. Ingatan mo siya parati ah, dun lang ok na ako even if we’re not office mate anymore. Ok? 🙂 even his loved ones and family and even if he really had son/daughter plus mo na un. 🙂

Since that, ayaw ko makipag-kaibigan. I go back to my nutshell, a place where I feel safe so comfort for me. No risk should I take, but it’s not growing. I’m just there taking care of myself, having my rest. And it’s been long already. There are times I’m thinking if it’s okay already, but I hesitant because prefer this one.

There’s the trust but it’s only 50, every people in office I only give my 50 trust not 100.