2 nights of sorrow

Yes, I cried for two nights (wednesday and thursday). But tonight, I’m quite good enough already. Maybe na-alala ko lang lahat, pero masasabi ko na mas ok na ako compare before.

Kung mababalik ko lang un dati. Sana un mga oras na inaasar mo ako, sana nakapagsalita ako na “pwede tumigil po.” pero hindi ko ginawa dahil hindi ko tancha pagkatao mo. Pero kung iisipin ko ngayon, nagkasagutan na tayo dati sa facebook. Naging ok naman after a while sana ganun na lang inisip ko nun mga oras na un. But it happened already. Baka nga may purpose na hindi ko/natin alam.

If there’s one thing I realized about that, ang selfish nun girl. Gusto nya kasi lahat siya. Fine, let me give other term for it in a nicer way. Not contented. Dun ko nakita kung gano siya hindi kakuntento sa bagay bagay. Kung hindi siya contented how I treat her and other people, it’s not my problem. Siya lang makakapag-control nun sa sarili niya. I can’t control her mind and her emotion, if I could then probably I remote it that she could not feel those stuff. Or probably, did she asked herself, is this the way I treat Nyzza. Probably I just reciprocate and then you’re asking for too much or expecting too much.

God may mali po ba ako? Kung meron man, alam ko na po un. Kaya nga nagsisi ako e, kala ko kasi nakahanap ako na kaibigan na makikinig lang sayo. Isa kasi ako sa mga nakikinig parati sa mga kaibigan ko e, kaya akala ko ganun siya un mga oras na naglalabas ako ng sama ng loob. Pero hindi pa pala. Ang hindi ko lang matanggap is un sabihin nya na ako nag-drag ng name nya sa issue. Wait lng, ang topic is un guy. Pano kita sinali? Sa bibig mo lumabas un lines na, pakiramdam mo mas matimbang siya keysa sa inyo. Pano nanggaling sa akin un. Haysss. Isipin ko na lang na may maganda idudulot ito or kapalit kaya nangyari to.

Tanggap ko after all na kaibigan ko lng un tao, para sa akin kaibigan ko siya, Ewan ko lang siya, kung ano ako sa kanya. Office mate? Kasi kuntento na ako, kung bakit after all the confession nasa inyo pa rin ako dahil choice ko na un. Choice ko manatili sa inyo dahil may choice naman tlga ako it’s either to stay with you guys or leave the group. But I choose all of you. But not until that day, kaya un ang naging consequence. Yes, there were times when the girl talking something about you behind your back. Kung hindi ko man sinabi un, it is because of one thing. Dahil ayaw ko masira samahan nyo. (sorry, pero mas makakabuti na rin un) “Don’t let the little things get in the way.” Maliit na bagay lang un para palakihin pa at baka mas maging malaki pa un sira. Kaya tahimik lang ako.

God, if there’s one thing I would like to say to You is THANK YOU. Thank you for having this kind of opportunity of touching their hearts. Kung hindi ko man napakita/naparamdam un salitang Love na ganun ka detail, alam ko sarili ko na kahit papano sa maliit na bagay/paraan pinaparamdam ko sa kanila. Ako pa nga po yata dapat magpasalamat sa kanila/kanya dahil kung wala sila kanino ko pa paparamdam un. Tama po ba?

I just love him (the other blog of mine)

Baka nga mahal mo na un tao. E mahal ko, sorry. Ganun na nga ba tlga kalayo. Trinabaho ko naman ang pagkakaibigan natin lahat e.

strong, brave, courage..

Ang hirap maging matatag araw araw. Nakakapagod at nakakaiyak dahil walang tao nakakarinig ng lahat ng kalungkutan mo. Nakakangiti na rin ako after a long while pero hindi naman na un dati e.. But at least you’re starting to smile and laugh again Nyz, isn’t is a good start. Nakikipagkwentuhan ka, nakikipag-usap ka sa lahat pero ganun lang un.

Query

This afternoon, she talked to me. She asked me one question, I just answered her question this way. Just think of it as a package deal which you can’t choose what you want instead you have to accept it as a whole. You can’t make it a whole number if you just accept half of it. Because “people generally are who they are. Any changes made will only be by the hand of God, and even those will take time. And that transformation will begin when the heart change first.” Also, something inside must have change first before we change what we do on the outside.

the Photo

Last Saturday, when I was browsing my other social network. I saw that picture, I said to myself that this girl will marry (it was just a gut feeling). Then Tuesday, one of my office mate took a leave. When Wednesday come, I asked her about her day yesterday. She said she attended a wedding.

other’s point of view

Learn to validate the other person’s point of view. This doesn’t mean you have to necessarily agree with it – but at least they will feel like they’ve been heard.

So, when they’re talking, please listen empathetically. In this case, you will be acknowledging their opinions or feelings regarding a subject you may not agree with.

The Unwanted News

Before I had a lunch, I had this supplier. And the news she gave me was she saw the girl. You know what God, what I felt that time. I thought I was ok, but na-bother ako buong hapon dahil bumalik lang un sakit. At ang sakit pa rin pala nun dinulot nya. At lahat lahat na-alala ko un buong pangyayari.

May mali ako dahil napikon ako dun sa guy, dahil buong morning na nga nya ako inaasar hindi pa siya nakaramdam tapos humirit pa siya na “hanapan mo na si Nyzza.” Excuse me. Kaya un hapon kinausap ko un girl nilabas ko un inis ko o pikon ko dahil dun sa guy. Tapos nun hapon, tinext mo pa ako na ang tagal namin sa sampling room. Sana sinabi ko na lang sayo na ikaw un. Pero mali pagkaintindi nun girl. Ang akin lang syempre kahit magkakaibigan kayo magkakapikunan pa rin kayo. Hindi ba ikaw napikon ka nun hiniritan ka niya ng ikaw nga user friendly e. Same goes with me. Pero mali, mali ako ng pagkakilala sayo. Akala ko ikaw un tao pwde lang makinig, pero hindi pla dahil pinagdiinan mo na may gusto pa rin ako sa kanya. Ang akin lang whether totoo yan or hindi labas ka dun. Oo, kaibigan kita pero wala ka sa lugar para mangi-alam. Kung masasaktan ako pinili ko un, hinanap ko un. Ang akin lang sana tinignan mo sa mas malaking picture kung may magandang feedback ba. Nanatili ako at hindi mo na appreciate. Ang hirap nun, alam mo ba un, un ganun na pakiramdam. Sinakripisyo ko sarili ko, nilunok ko sarili ko, ginawa ko kung ano ang nakakabuti sa nakakarami. At alam mo ba kung ano un salitang sakripisyo, grabe un sakit na dinulot nun sa akin parang kinalimutan ko sarili ko dun para lang sa inyo.

“Sacrifice for the benefits of everybody else cause so much pain.” Yes, kasi mas pinili ko kung san mas okay at ano ang okay.

1st Foul: Pakiramdam mo na mas matimbang un guy keysa sa inyo. Ano basis? Kung na-una huminge ng pabor un tao, first come first serve. At bakit kailangan ko mamili sa inyo? Hindi pa ba sapat na pinili ko kayo maging kaibigan? Bakit parang dapat may ranking pa, may ranking pa ba dapat? kung sino ang 1st, 2nd, 3rd and goes on? Wala, kasi barkada mo sila e. Hindi pa ba sapat na pinili mo sila na araw araw mo sila makasama. Kung concern ka, concern ka pero un mga oras na kausap kita at pinakikinggan kita mas naintidihan ko un selos mo. Kaya umalis na lang ako.

2nd Foul: Plastik. Isa lang sagot ko jan. Lahat tayo kung hindi man lahat karamihan, un lng nga may pinipilian tay kung sino, depende sa pagkakataon. Gamitan natin na mas magandang words, PAKISAMA. Lahat tayo nakikisama sa isa’t isa. May papakita tayo at meron tayo itatabi.

3rd Foul: Sinabi mo na nakalimutan mo na chinese ako. Ikaw na racist.

Un letter na binigay ko sayo at tinanong mo ako bakit hindi ako nagpaliwanag o nagsalita o sinabayan kita. Hindi ko kaya sabayan un tension mo, dahil lalo lang magiging malabo ang usapan at lumala. Kaya nanahimik ako at hinintay ko humupa bago ko sinulat un para sayo. Dahil ang hirap makipag-usap sa isang tao ayaw naman pakinggan un point of view mo.

Grabe, ganyan pa rin ka-vivid un buong pangyayari yan God. Ang sakit, lam mo un. Un binuo/pinili mong samahan sa ganyan lang pla kabilis mawawala. Nagsisimula pala na patibayin un pundasyon pero wala, nagiba rin po pala. Siguro nga po may purpose po kayo jan kaya nangyari ang bagay na yan. But still thank you, dahil un sa mga oras na un hindi ako nakapagbitaw na masasakit na salita. Isa lang laging ko tinatandaan, wag ka magbitaw na salita na ikakasisi mo sa banda huli lalo na kung galit ka. Or kung may gusto ka sabihin just make sure that its appropriate sa oras na un at maiintindihan.

Probably, that’s why anjan pa rin un sakit, hindi ko makalimutan at hindi ko na pa rin ganun ka-fully napapatawad siya. And sadly, wala siya ginawa. Sorry. Sorry isn’t enough, one should accompany it with a supporting actions. Pero pinatawad na rin kita. Kaya nga nagpa-alam ako ng maayos sayo e. Kahit papano, pwde na natin isara un.

Mabait ako pero wag mo sagarin lalo na kung hindi mo kilala un other side nun tao. Dahil promise maraming taong nagugulat pag ito un ugaling kaharap nila. Dahil hindi nila inaasahan ito, na may ito pala ako.

Maybe God telling me that I’m hard. Yes, indeed I’m become hard to the other people but most especially to myself. Araw araw pinaparusahan ko sarili ko sa nakaraan. Pero ok na rin un para sa proteksyon para sa sarili ko. Alam mo God kung gaano ko pa rin gusto maging ok ang lahat pero pano nga ba, e nawala na un Nyzza nakilala nya/nila. But as I always say, it is a piece of that person that makes it a whole. Hindi pwde un kung ano lang un gusto mo. Pero mas comfortable ako na nakita na lahat ng tao kung ano at sino ako.

May napagkwentuhan ako nito. “One heard the stories, but no one ever felt what I felt during that time.”

In that few minutes, every thing returns. No on can undo what memories one has, but one can make the decision to make new ones.

Promise God, magiging ok ako. Kahit ang hirap, I’ll take one step at a time again. I want to go back to the old Nyz but I don’t know if that day will arrive. Dahil naging Default Mode na ito. 😦 Miss ko na.

Message Sent

I was shocked when his clerk caught his attention regarding the box-box full of toys. Because I wanted to tell him that before but no guts I guess. I didn’t even mention to his clerk about that box, because I don’t want to get the wrong idea. Yes, the concern I have still there but the point is I’m not in the position anymore. Because since that, I don’t know where I stand already.

But thank God, maybe You made that way dahil ang tagal ko na gusto sabihin un box na un. Dahil takot ko lang pagdumating un panahon na maglilinis tska pa lang un makita. Konsensya ko rin un kung mapagsasabihan siya.

In the first place, if I knew about that box because I also received that kind. I received it before I went for Bangkok.

Thank you for the message it has been sent already to him. Glad he received it. Thank you.

No Reason

Love can never be defined, it can only be felt.

safe haven

Girl: Why do you like me..? Why do you love me?
Boy: I can’t tell the reason. But I really like you…
Girl: You can’t even tell me the reason… how can you say you like me? How can you say you love me?

Boy: I really don’t know the reason, but I can prove that I love you.
Girl: Proof? No! I want you to tell me the reason. My friend’s boyfriend can tell her why he loves her but not you!
Boy: Ok…ok!!! I am saying. Because you are beautiful, because your voice is sweet, because you are caring, because you are loving, because you are thoughtful, because of your smile, because of your every movements.

The girl felt very satisfied with the boy’s answer.
Unfortunately, a few days later, the Lady met with an accident and went into the coma stage. Even she can’t move anywhere.
The…

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Meeting Adjourned

We had our meeting and it was my first time to step on that floor. It was sad to heard that news. Things that strikes me were maaga umuwi, not transfering stocks, mali na ayaw pa sabihin, and more I guess but nonetheless the one that really strikes me was alagaan ang supplier. To be honest, dalawang supplier na un kinaiinisan ko and pinadama ko na sa kanila un. Am I that bad. Maybe. Wasn’t my patience enough for them. Oh my!!! Sobrang patience na ako but probably they almost reach my point. Yes, mabait ako pero wag nyo naman abusuhin. Tapos magtataka kayo bakit ang sungit ko. Kayo naghanap nyan.

But now, I ask you God to give me more more more patience. Honestly, sobrang na-bad trip lng tlga ako dun sa supplier ko un e. Sobrang below the belt kung magsalita, I understand he’s a gay but please filter your mind before speak. Not necessarily you have to know everything and say everything and ask everything especially when it is not related to business transaction.

Its what you had inside

Love isn’t what I have the opportunity to get from this world. Love is what I have the opportunity to give. If my only view of love is what it will give me, love from others will fail me every time.