Archive for October, 2015

Missing the stranger beside me

hmmmm… Quite good. Is there anything better to describe this one?

G(God), I won’t deny to You. You know everything even if I don’t tell it to You. Maybe the stranger you let me crossed once never left since that day, the day I knew that there’s something I felt for that person. But I choose to remain friends with him because that time I know it will benefit for everyone. Cause I know there’s a lot of rumors that will come out. Instead, I remain to protect and to avoid na makasala pa mga tao. But I didn’t expect that, staying there cause me too much pain. Especially when she told me, kaya daw ako nagstay para lang kaibiganin ka. Wow! What was that? Doesn’t she even know how much it cause me to stay there. Kung selfish lang ako, umalis na ako sa grupo right there and then after telling you how I feel for you. Sana inisip ko na lang sarili ko, na napahiya ako and others pero mas inisip ko pa un samahan e, dahil lang ba dun dapat na umalis. Napaka-babaw. (shoot, grabe.. ang sakit, para hinuhukay ko lahat….. ang sakit pa rin pala.. grabe iyak ko.. hello sipon..)

G(God), in You I can deny. Andun siya hanggang ngayon. Hindi ko alam bakit, pero andun e. Kahit pilitin ko sarili ko walang maramdaman parang ang hirap. Or dahil nangako ako sayo. Lam mo G(God), may nabasa ako sa Didache. And the passage goes this way, “How deeds matter to God more than our words. To say yes and not take action is a broken promise that disappoints. But to take action after having said no is redeeming. God must be heartbroken when we do not support our words of love and faith with obedience and deeds. But He must be jumping for joy whenever we change our minds to follow and fulfill. Always mean what you say. When you say you will, make sure to follow through, especially when it’s a promise made to the One above.” But after reading that, I feel light because I know I did my part. Takot ko lang po sa Inyo. hehe, to be honest I feel comfortable telling You this story of mine, my mind my heart, because there’s no judgement. But after which, it felt good. Bigla ko tuloy na-alala un saying na, “maybe we don’t need an advice, but a listening ear.”

G(God), there’s another passage, “Message in a dream. What was the Lord been telling you to do lately that you refuse to act upon? Obey Him before it’s too late.” I’ve dreamed about him recently when I was in china (buying trip). You know what was my dream all about? He held my hand, and I get off my hands asking him, “alam mo ba ginagawa mo?” Until now, I’m still thinking what was that.

G(God). I still like him that stranger you’ve crossed my path. And I thank you for that, but I lifting up to You. There’s been a lot of times, I’m asking for You a sign which You never failed me. Basta ingatan mo siya ah, kahit hindi na kami magka-officemate and bigyan mo na siya ng girl ah he’s not getting younger anymore. Someone who will be his good partner (qualities, You know better) and to have peace of mind always.

Simple lang naman ako magdasal G(God), you know that. My prayers is always peace of mind and humble heart.

I miss talking to you. Weird, G na nagsulat ako. After this, I know I’m better na. Nawala na un ganun katinding sakit. Tagal ng phasing, sorry po.

Good to be back!

I misssss you a lot. Know that. Tagal ko nagpahinga sa pagsusulat and honestly it’s been a long while. But I don’t know what I’m going to write about it. All I want was to go back here, once I’m good. And I guess, and hoping after almost a year. My good is really that good, not only good but better. A better me. There’s a saying goes like this, “the only person you should try to be better than… is the person you were yesterday.” Now, I discover a new one, “focused on becoming a better me.” Sounds good, isn’t? I WILL BE A BETTER ME.

We can’t go back to the past to undone/edit or even change what was happened there. Just think of it this way, one way or the other it was really bound to happened. But there’s no bad, because we’ve learned from it. Though it’s painful and still aching at times but it’s part of life. There are times, I’m still crying. Cause it won’t help you to be strong person when one didn’t encounter some difficulties in life. It’s part of the recipe in lives. It’s not all sweet and good; there will be times of sour and bad. But without that one will missed a lot, and from that you’ll learn a lot from a person. Dun mo siya makikilala.

After all, after this 11 months to be specific. I’ve let her go. And it’s time for me to be happy again. Maybe I won’t be exactly the way I am before but definitely I can say to myself that I am okay. Cause no one knows how struggle am I. It took me a year that long to be healed and finally said to myself that I’m ok. But I couldn’t go back to the old me, “Old things have passed away. Behold, all things have become new.” I guess that’s where am I right now, becoming new, a better me.

G(God), I’m asking for your forgiveness. For the last time, I will forgive her for the things she doesn’t knew that cause me hurt. Make me a new heart, I know You’re working on it since that day. But it really took me that long. I still want to thank you. I want to say that again to her but it’s better this way. Love you G(God).